The Six Pillars Of Self-esteem

Posted April 25, 2019

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The last time we talked about self esteem, we broke downwards self compassion . As a reminder, self compassion is all about allowing yourself to treat yourself with the same kindness you treat your friends. It's about giving yourself room to brand mistakes without instantly labeling yourself as a failure. Information technology's about avoiding negative generalizations of yourself and remembering to accept in the whole motion-picture show.

However, self compassion and self esteem aren't quite the same things.

Self esteem allows for us to take self pity. But self esteem itself is made up of six distinct pillars, completely split up from cocky compassion.

These pillars are:

Living Consciously
Self-Acceptance
Cocky-Responsibleness
Self-Assertiveness
Living Purposefully
Personal Integrity

Accept a long look at the list. Which of these are you best at? Which is already incorporated into your life? Where in this listing are your strengths? And, on the other side, where in this listing are your weaknesses? Which phrase has the smallest presence in your life?

These pillars were coined by Nathaniel Branden in his book "The Half dozen Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem"

He came up with them by examining and determining which qualities and characteristics were absolutely necessary in each person's nourishment of their own self esteem.

So what are the pillars, and what practice they mean?

The practise of living consciously –this practice centers around living presently; being aware of ourselves and our actions, and our environment. In this practice nosotros should be actively seeking new information!
The practise of self-acceptance –this practice is largely almost taking responsibility for our own thoughts and feelings. Once nosotros own that responsibility we are able to give ourselves permission to fully feel all of our own emotions without condoning them or acting on them.
The do of self-responsibility –this practise builds off of the 2nd one. While all our emotions are valid and nosotros should give ourselves complete permission to feel them, our choice are in our own control. A key to this do is swapping out the question "who'due south to blame?" with "what tin can be done?"
The practice of self-assertiveness –this practice centers effectually being accurate in our interactions. In Branden's ain words it'southward about "refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what nosotros esteem in order to avoid disapproval."
The do of living purposefully –what are your long term goals? What are your short term goals? Getting articulate on your goals and the actions needed to achieve them can help this practice.
The practice of personal integrity –according to Branden this is "living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in activity the values we profess to admire." In other words, giving ourselves respect and holding ourselves to the values and truths nosotros hold. "

"When nosotros seek to align ourselves with reality equally best nosotros understand it, nosotros nurture and support our self-esteem." –Nathaniel Branden

Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC, DBTC

Alyssa Mairanz provides counseling and therapy services for life transitions, relationship issues, cocky esteem, depression, anxiety, and DBT and Psychodynamic therapy in a NYC group practice in the Flatiron District near Madison Square Park. She too serves the Village, Chelsea, Marriage Foursquare, the Financial District and the surrounding areas.

Empower Your Mind Therapy'due south mission is to helps our clients build the life they want and detect more than happiness and satisfaction.